To sum it up, the past three weeks have been crazymaking. If you have been negatively affected by the abrupt changes in the business-as-usual policies on healthcare, immigration, and other areas, you are probably wondering how you will get through this.
There is no handbook to get you through this, but I can share what I know. I’m a psychiatrist who spent some thirteen years in school learning how to help people be mentally healthier, and who spent 40 years trying to get through life as a Black, queer woman (technically, 35 years aware of myself as a Black woman, and 15 years aware that I am queer).
Emotions are high for those who did and did not vote for President Donald Trump. Our brain hates uncertainty, unpredictability, and lack of control. Our brain gets off on its ability to anticipate what will happen next, because anticipating what could harm us can help us come up with a plan to prevent that harm or prepare to fight.
Our brains mean well but sometimes overestimate that harm, which can lead to our nervous system seeing a rabid tiger as just as dangerous as our boss yelling at us. Only one of those can actually kill us, so we have to check our brain before it wastes emotional energy prepping for them as the same. Yes, you could fall on the icy sidewalk, but you can also look at the forecast, put salt down, wear snow boots, leave more time to get to work, or take a car. Yes, you could still fall, but at least you did all you could to prevent it. The rest is up to the … universe?
So what are our brains supposed to do with the fear of our community clinic closing, family being deported, or being fired from a federal job?
Anticipate the worst possible outcome: the clinic closing, ICE grabbing my father, or getting fired. Come up with a possible plan for that outcome: go to the hospital-run clinic, find out how dad can get housing or send and receive money, start looking for jobs. None of those solutions are ideal, but they are within your control.
Tell your nervous system that it is okay to be scared, but you are not being chased by a tiger. Tell it to calm down and slow that heart rate because you don’t need all that extra blood pumping through your body, slow your breathing since you are not running, stop dilating your pupils since you are not on the lookout for a predator, and your bladder doesn’t have to hold it in, there’s time to go to the bathroom. You don’t have to play dead.
I know what you’re thinking: “Yeah, doctor of course that all sounds great, but who will write my prescriptions, my mom can’t live alone, there are no jobs.”
You are right, it sucks, and it’s worrying. But on top of all the other terrible things that can happen, keeping your brain fixed on worries is adding more stress and damage to your body. You can at least try to give your brain and body a break from contemplating terrible outcomes and save some energy to ACT if the terrible happens.
Protect your body, brain, and mind from the harm caused by fear. I’m not saying have no fear, or ‘be brave!’ or turn off your emotions like a robot. But feeling worried, anxious, or afraid during a time like this is inevitable. Your goal is to prevent fear from wreaking havoc on your body.
Does that sound easy? No. But it’s possible.
Tips to help you survive
- If you’re human, you will always be at risk of feeling fearful. It’s not the feeling that is bad; it is what you do with it.
- When you notice your body tensing up, daydreaming, or stuck in a spiral and unable to stop thinking, ask yourself, literally say aloud, ‘what am I afraid or worried about?’ Then answer the question (yes, aloud or writing it down). Then ask, what I can do about it?
- Do this every single time you get stuck in a fear spiral.
- Change the scene. Go outside. Go to bed. Take a shower.
- Stick to the basics: sleep/eat/care for your kids, and get through the day.
- Know your goal for being online. Are you searching for an answer to something?
- Phone or text a friend, even if it’s just to say, “these days are hard.”
- Watch a comedy.
- Turn off the news or radio that is playing the news.
- Hug your pet, kid, parent, partner or warm blanket.
Read more of Dr. Cyrus’ work here.
I absolutely love your work and admire your courage Dr. Cyrus. As a PhD social worker and academic, trained at Smith SSW, you encourage me to be my authentic self. These practical tips are exactly what I’ve been sharing with my clients, family and friends.